Dr. M. Taylor Bach

I John 4:16-21 Mark 5:22-43

USA Today had an article in it some time ago reporting that a man had slipped into a coma following a terrible accident. The coma didn't last 9 days. It lasted 19 years! Then one day, he simply woke up and spoke. The man was asked - how was it that he just woke up and spoke? He said, (This is profound) “I decided to move my lips.” Oh boy. Why didn't he do that 19 years earlier or at least 10 years earlier? By now, he could have speaking engagements all over the country.

I am beginning a sermon on Communication. This is part of our sermon series on relationships. I used to do three day workshops on communications so it is not something that can be covered in twenty minutes easily. I did prepare notes to share with you all this morning (unrolling a long list) but then I thought  no, you might miss the pancake breakfast. So I won't share that length of notes. I'll just simply tell you the essence of the message on communication that can be found in the Bible. I have a passage to read. This comes from Matthew 12:34-36.

For out of the overflow of the mouth the heart speaks. And the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. The evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted and by your words you will be condemned.

Apparently to Jesus, words are extraordinarily important. We find first of all that His words always contain enormous power. You would expect that as part of the Trinity. He was there at the creation of the universes and the world. God simply spoke it into existence and it was so. And it was good. When Jesus was here, he would only have to say a few things. In fact, I don't know if you realize this or not, but there are really only a collection of about 200 sayings of Jesus in the Gospels. Those 200 sayings have dramatically changed lives and if we follow them, can change the world. There was an economy of words with Jesus. In fact, in the story that Tom Matthew just read, we find Him saying only two words to Jairus's daughter and those words in the Hebrew are “Talith Koum.” They can only be translated with four words in the English language and that is “Little girl, get up.” Those words had so much power within them that they brought her back to life. So that was the witness Christ gave to the power of words. He wanted us to understand that through our words we'll either be acquitted or through our words we'll be condemned. We have to be very careful with our words.

The book of Proverbs in the Bible has some interesting sayings about words. One of my favorites is from Proverbs 15:4 and it says that kind words are good medicine. So kind words can heal people. Have you ever thought about that? Words spoken in love can heal people. They make people better. They can help people to thrive. Has the opposite ever occurred to you? Has anyone ever said words to you where you just felt like the life was sucked out of you after they had spoken to you? Most of us have experienced that at some point or another. But then have you ever had the experience where someone has said to you some kind words and you say, “Wow! I feel great!” because of what they just said to you? Perhaps these were words of compliment or words of recognition or words of deep love or something like that. Each time I do a wedding, I ask the couple that I am going to marry to write me a letter about how they fell in love. I am always amazed at what they write me. I had a wedding here last night - just a great young couple. Women seem to write better letters than men most of the time. But that wasn't the case yesterday. So I wanted to read you a brief excerpt from the groom's letter. He wrote, “After the night was over (this was a night when they had watched the Ohio State football team play) everyone went home. She and I went back to my place and talked into the wee hours of the morning. We both kind of just laid everything out there and just had one of the best heart to heart talks anyone could have. I'd be willing to bet everyone out there would like to have that kind of conversation.” Have you ever had that kind of conversation with someone? Most of us have. It is the kind of conversation on which love is built. It is the kind of conversation that just makes your heart sing. If you have never had that, I hope you have it sometime in your lifetime. And if you have had it, I hope you can recall it frequently and have it again and again and again.

Communication is hard work. From my counseling background, I know that there are three parts to each person's personality. Those parts can be divided into five parts. So with two people together, the ten of you have to get along! Whew! That is hard work. Does that make sense? All these parts of your mind have to connect with one another so that you are compatible. We really do have to work on our communication with one another. I always think it is glib when people asked, “Why did your marriage fail?” and they answer, “It was lack of communication.” That seems rather simplistic though it is exactly true. Communication is extremely difficult with ten parts of our personality speaking to one another. Think of this, too. All the time we are talking to another person, we usually have an internal dialogue going on in our own head at the same time. So add three more voices talking to you. Your own parts can talk to you in your head while you are talking to someone else. Does that make communication hard? You betcha. It can make it very difficult. Yet, not impossible.

If we follow the example of Jesus Christ, we discover there are a couple of things I call foundational about communication that can resolve this problem. The first thing is that communication has to be authentic. As my groom from last night said, heart to heart conversation. When conversation is authentic, it arises from a deep part of us which is purely us, the part of us where we are not putting on airs, we are not trying to impress, we are being ourselves and it flows out of our inner being, out of our heart, our emotions, the center of ourselves. It is representational of how we are, how we think and how we feel.

The second thing that I discovered long ago reading the Bible and have been reminded of frequently in my lifetime, is that authentic communication then depends on people telling the truth. Jesus said, “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.” Again notice the economy of His words here. He didn't give a long lecture about telling the truth. He simply said, “Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no,” which is a way of saying, “Don't lie. Tell the truth in conversation.” It is something that we all have to work on because all of us, if we are honest with ourselves, have told lies in our lifetime. Most of the time they are what we consider little white lies. I am reminded of the story that you probably heard as a child about George Washington, where George cut down a cherry tree when he was a little boy, as the story goes, and then when he was confronted by his parents, he said, “I cannot tell a lie. I did it. I cut down the cherry tree.” Well, what we now know is that was a lie. It is just a fable made up about George. It wasn't true at all. He never cut down a cherry tree and so someone made up a lie about him. Lying is a sickness of society. The scriptures say that Satan is the father of all lies and I believe that. They arise out of that part of us that is tempted to be evil and therefore, keeps the truth from others. That becomes hurtful. We are to have that foundation where we constantly work to rid ourselves of lies and become truth-tellers. This comes from our authentic self. People love authenticity. When you are authentic and truthful, it is a gift to give to people.

Lastly, all communication depends on trust. So the more trustworthy we become, the easier it is to accept our communication. One of the things that I have discovered is when there is conflict, one needs to listen first and then speak. As we are working on communication skills, speaking is not as important as listening. We have two ears and one mouth. Two ears so that we hear, one mouth so we can speak. When we point at someone which happens frequently in blaming conversation, one finger goes out, the rest are pointing back at me. So all communication should be done in truth, in love, in kindness using “I” statements rather than “You” statements. “You” statements are always blaming statements. “I” statements are owning the problem and working toward a solution. All people have conflict. All relationships have conflict. But the point of conflict is not to win a battle. The point of conflict is to solve a problem. All communication then should be working towards the goal of problem-solving. That is what we are taught in the Bible.

There is one last example I'll share with you. When a rich young man came to Jesus, and he said to Him, “Master, what do I need to do to be saved?” And again in the economy of words, Jesus answered, “Sell all that you have, give it to the poor and come follow me.” It was actually a confrontation. It wasn't something meant for all of us. We don't have to sell all that we have and give it to the poor. But it was a specific remedy for a young man who had a sickness in his heart, the sickness of greed. He wasn't able to let loose. In fact, the Bible says that even after Jesus confronted him, the fellow simply walked away shaking his head and not accepting the confrontation. When we are lovingly confronted by someone, that man was confronted with kindness, then we need to consider the words of the person doing the confronting. And consider if there is truth in them; and if there is truth in them, we take that to heart and we try to make the change they are requesting of us. That is an incredible gift people can give to each other.

So the message this morning is simple. To have heart to heart communication, we have to be able to speak the truth in love. So these are my sermon notes this morning (holding them up). I don't know if you can see them from where you sit, but the message is simple and it is from Jesus Christ. Always speak the truth in love and kindness.