Dr. M. Taylor Bach

Proverbs 31:10-31 Matthew 5:13-16

The Proverbs were given to us as astute observations of the practical. They are attributed to Solomon and probably reworked by scribes in the 5th Century B.C. under the kingship of King Hezekiah. We read Proverbs 31 this morning, the famous proverb describing the ideal wife and mother. As we read that, were you saying to yourself, “Oh my gosh! This is impossible!” It's not even practical. I read it once every month as my wife and I go through the proverbs. It is difficult to accept that it does describe the ideal woman. But what we have to understand is Biblical advice isn't advice that we have to instantly achieve. Everyone is in a process of growing. So if Proverbs 31 describes the ideal wife and mother, know that it is something to work on. It is something to strive towards. It is something to become.

I'd like to go through it for a moment and translate its complex formulas to you in modern English and modern observations so you can see that it is within the realm of possibility to achieve. Incidentally, the United Church of Christ authors who put together the liturgical year really don't like Mother's Day or Father's Day. They view them as Hallmark Holidays. So they call today The Festival of the Christian Home/Family. That is why I titled my sermon The Influencing (M)other (or Other) so the things I say this morning can also apply to those who aren't mothers and might even apply to fathers. Anyhow, listen carefully to how we should understand Proverbs 31.

The first thing we note there is that the person is of noble character. What is a noble character? It is a person who has within themselves an essential goodness. They work at becoming better as they go through their daily life. They work at making themselves essentially good so that we can talk about them in terms of seeing their goodness. Their goodness is visible and as such, it becomes an influencing goodness to everyone.

The second thing we see is that she supports her husband. There are other passages in the Bible which recommend husbands to support their wives. Especially in Ephesians 5 in the New Testament, Paul expects husbands to respect, love and support their wives. So there should be mutual support going on here, one for the other.

The third thing that shows up here is something that probably jumped out at you because there is a whole lot of this in Proverbs 31. She is clearly a hard worker. She works in the house. She works outside of the house. I think that fits a lot of our current mothers. A lot of our current mothers have jobs outside of the house today as well as duties inside the house. The key thing that comes across in this passage is that wherever she works, if she is a stay-at-home mom or if she is a mother who finds it necessary to work out of the home, what is important is that she does her work with excellence. That is what the author of the proverb is saying here.

Next, she is a person of influence on her children and she leads her children ultimately to eternal life, to their eternal reward. So how does she do that? She does that by witnessing in prayer life. She does that through her essential goodness. She does that by having a deep care for her children and allowing her children to know how much she loves them. As she lets her children know that she loves them, that certainly has a big impact and a great deal of influence on them.

Lastly, she deserves a reward. So this morning we want to highlight that part. The reward of being a Proverbs 31 wife and mother is having a family that is functional. It's having children that grow up and make parents proud. But most of all I'm sure it leads this Proverbs 31 mother also to her heavenly reward. If we consider it a proverb Other by doing these foundational things, fathers and single individuals can also find their heavenly reward.

My wife and I have a favorite TV show that we watch. It is on the Learning Channel and maybe some of you have seen it. It is an example of a Proverbs 31 family in many ways. It is the Matt Roloff family. Have you seen this? Matt Roloff is a dwarf and his wife, Amy, is a dwarf. He is not only a dwarf, he is also disabled. As we watch the show, we watch it with fascination because he has overcome all kinds of difficulties. He has created a thirty two acre farm that sells pumpkins and peaches. People come out and pick their own. He also sells computer software so he earns a very good living. He is an excellent father. But what struck me the most as I watch this and as I read his book (we recently purchased two of his books), was thinking about the qualities of his mother.

Imagine this for a moment. You have just given birth and the doctors don't let you see your baby. They withhold the baby from you for over 24 hours. You think, “OK. Something must be wrong. They are not letting me see my baby.” Your husband gets angry and confronts the doctors. Finally, a nurse reveals that your baby is a dwarf. Not only did this happen once to Mrs. Roloff but it happened twice and then a third child had an unrepairable heart problem. Only one of her four children turned out normal. How did she handle these crises? Matt reported how she handled it in his life because from his point of view, he was the best observer of this. He was hospitalized thirty two times. Back in the sixties when this hospitalization occurred, parents were restricted to visiting only two hours at a time once a week. If anyone else visited, then they had to give up some of their time. When they did allow the grandparents to visit or someone else who wanted to visit the child, it was at personal cost. Matt recalls his mother and his grandmother standing outside of the hospital window and talking to him through the glass while they stood in the midst of bushes. They would wave to him trying to encourage him and support him. Clearly she succeeded in not only supporting him as a disabled child but she supported him in his abilities, not his disability. Though he grew up highly physically damaged, he has become a highly functioning person. In the TV show, it always begins with, “One thing we want you to understand is that dwarfs can do anything that any other person can do. It is just a whole lot harder and we have to do it a different way.” So then they give pictures of Amy climbing up the shelves at a grocery store trying to reach the can on the top of the shelf. You think, “Oh my gosh, is the shelf going to fall and are the groceries going to fall on her?” But somehow, she manages to pull it off. The amazing thing about Matt's mother, though, was that she took care of these three damaged children and one healthy child physically, emotionally and spiritually. One of the amazing things that comes through is the fact that all these children have grown up with a deep prayer life. They are not afraid to pray before a meal in front of the television cameras. They were not afraid when one of the farm workers died, to pray for him publically for the world to see. Their children go to a Christian school. So they are willing to be influential. They are willing to influence others and Matt's mother must have been a phenomenal person to raise children like this. Matt's grandmother was similarly an influential person as you can imagine to have created a mother like Matt's. The grandmother also visited everyday but she gave up her time since only two hours were allowed, to her daughter and her daughter's husband. She would visit almost strictly by standing in the bushes outside and trying to talk to Matt through the window. She would leave toys for Matt at the nurses' station and specifically she would leave puzzles for him to work on. He would be thrilled when he completed a puzzle and he would hold it up to the window. She would put her hand on the window and compliment him for accomplishing the feat of putting a puzzle together. This kept his mind sharp and his mind growing and his stubby deformed fingers functioning. She contributed greatly to his healing and development that way. He reports in his book that one of the saddest days of his life was when he completed a puzzle and one of the nurses came in and broke it apart before he could show it to his grandmother. He says to this day, he holds some anger about that towards the nurse who did this. Remarkable people, that mother and grandmother. Amy herself, in raising normal kids and also a dwarf, she too is a remarkable person. To me, they approximate the Proverbs 31 mother. There is a principle in counseling that says that if anybody else can achieve it, so can you. Whatever the change is, whatever it is you want to accomplish, if any one other person has ever done it, so can you also accomplish that. You can become a Proverbs 31 person.

This morning, I want to urge you to become influencing parents and be aware that it is a process. It is something that you grow into. You don't do it all at once. On one particular Mother's Day, I listed all the ways my wife had succeeded in doing this with her children and how much I love her for it. I am grateful for her accomplishing that, and at the same time, I am aware that she believes that she still has room to grow and that is the way it should be. All of us have room to grow. Nobody in this life is perfect. We are all on a journey. We are all in process. So if you would be an influencing mother or an influencing other, here is the principle of it. A LIFE TOUCHED BY GOD ENDS UP TOUCHING OTHERS.